Succubus 5 (Hardcore Dungeon Core): A LitRPG Series Page 16

  “Why don’t you get in there and mesmerize him?”

  “That won’t work on him.”

  - It’s true, Alaria said. Succubi and incubi’s infatuation powers don’t work on each other.

  “Great,” I griped. “Fugly, spit on him!”

  Fugly complied, making the incubus roar in anger.

  As he healed everyone, Richard called out to the demon, “I enjoyed your hits from the 1990’s. When are you going to tour again?”

  Slothfart looked back in confusion. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “Incubus?” Richard said, then looked around, completely deadpan. “Am I the only one who likes late 20th century alternative rock and roll?”

  “You don’t like rock, you like Beethoven and shit!” Slothfart yelled.

  “How dare you, fool. I’m a Mozart man through and through.” Then Richard spoke to the demon again. “He’s right, though. I lied. I thoroughly detest your music. I was only being polite. I’m sorry.”

  Despite all the banter, the team fought hard – and within ten more seconds the incubus lay dead on the ground.

  “Jesus,” Slothfart joked, “make sure his dick doesn’t pop out of his pants and attack. It could be a mini boss.”

  “I don’t think you can rightly call it a ‘mini’ boss,” Richard said.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Hey Russell, did he almost poke your eye out with that thing? It’s about the right height.”

  Jen squatted down next to the body, her hand about to search for loot –

  “HEY!” Slothfart yelled at her.

  She jerked her hand back in fright. “What?!”

  “No touchin’ the dead guy’s schlong! I don’t care how big a sausage he’s packin’!”

  “I WASN’T GOING TO TOUCH IT!”

  “You were thinking about it!”

  “NO I WASN’T!” she shouted, but her light blue cheeks blushed the tiniest bit pink.

  “I’ll touch it,” Soraiya said, and leaned over and grabbed the dude’s wang through his pants. “Mmm. Girthy.”

  Jen’s jaw dropped open and she blushed even harder.

  “EWWW! Necrophilia foreplay!” Slothfart said, pointing at the succubus.

  “Yeah? So?” Soraiya asked, staring him right in the eye.

  “You – I – why does she get to do it and I don’t?!” Slothfart complained.

  “Because she’s a sex demoness and doesn’t do anything I tell her to,” I said. “That’s why.”

  “You can touch his wang, Slothie,” Russell grinned. “Go on. Touch it.”

  “NO!” Slothfart yelled. “EWWW!”

  “Go ahead,” Richard said.

  “I’m not doing necrophilia!” Slothfart shouted. “Especially gay necrophilia!”

  “It’s only necrophilia if you want to do it,” Richard said. “If you don’t want to do it, it’s just a dare.”

  “NO! UGH!”

  “Come on, guys, leave the dead porn star alone,” I said. “There’s probably more of them to kill up ahead.”

  “Great – demon sausage party,” Slothfart griped. “Worst dungeon crawl of all time.”

  I noticed that neither Soraiya nor Jen were complaining – and I’m pretty sure Alaria didn’t mind, either.

  24

  We didn’t encounter an incubus for the rest of that level, but they did pop up from time to time.

  Slothfart teased Jen mercilessly. “His eyes are up THERE, Jen!”

  “SHUT UP!” Jen would shout and then blush some more.

  Every time my cooldown for Gravesite ended, I would destroy the old tombstone and create a new one. It saved us precious seconds in battle, and helped us keep moving efficiently through the dungeon.

  Once we defeated the tenth-floor boss, we received slightly better loot. I scored a pair of bracers with +8 armor, +1 Intelligence, and +1 Stamina – a modest upgrade from my old pair of wrist guards.

  We were on the 12th floor battling an ogre when I felt a stiff breeze at my back. Which was odd, since we hadn’t felt any wind the entire time we’d been down here.

  I whirled around, expecting an air elemental – and instead saw something far, far worse.

  A woman was hovering in the air a hundred feet away – and she wore the grey cloak of an Air Mage.

  “Oh SHIT!” I yelled in panic.

  - Goddess, no! Alaria cried out inside my head.

  Jen looked over in alarm. “What?”

  “There’s some people after me – but how the fuck did they get in here?!”

  Then I saw both the Monk and the Shaman emerge from two of the oversized windows far behind us. The Air Mage must have flown them down through the atrium.

  Dammit…

  Jen glanced over her shoulders and saw who I was looking at. “Who are they?”

  “Bounty hunters,” I said as I kept Soul-Sucking the ogre.

  “What?!”

  “I got into debt to a mob boss.”

  “Inside the game?!”

  “Yeah. It’s a long story.”

  “Have they been chasing you the entire time you’ve been in Vos?!”

  “…um… yeah…” I admitted hesitantly, since I knew where the conversation was about to go.

  “Don’t you think that’s something you might have told us BEFORE we came in here with you?!” Jen said angrily.

  “I’m sorry! They’re NPCs, I never thought they could get in here!”

  “Well, apparently the game is making an exception for you!”

  “I’m going to need your guys’ help.”

  “We’ve kind of got an ogre problem right now!”

  “I realize that, but trust me, we’re about to have a bigger one on our hands. I can’t beat them alone.”

  “What do you mean you can’t – ”

  Jen must have selected them, because she immediately glared at me.

  “Two Level 40s and a 50?! Really?!”

  “I’m sorry to pull you into this, but – ”

  Jen shouted at Richard, Russell, and Slothfart. “GUYS! We’ve got trouble on our six!”

  “Kind of busy here, luv!” Russell yelled happily as he dodged the ogre’s steel-spiked club.

  “It’s about to get a lot busier! Dumbass Warlock didn’t tell us about the bounty hunters after him!”

  “Hey!” I said, annoyed.

  Slothfart perked up. “Bounty hunters?! Like Dog the Bounty Hunter, or Boba Fett, or – ”

  “Take a look for yourself!” Jen yelled.

  The Monk walked up casually and stopped about 20 feet away from me. The Shaman and the Air Mage came to a halt behind him.

  “Adventurers,” Zoran addressed the group, “you have a thief in your midst. We have no quarrel with you. Let us take him, and we shall leave you in peace and be on our way.”

  “Bugger off, ya bleedin’ wanker!” Russell shouted over his shoulder as he fought the ogre.

  Slothfart yelled over his shoulder, too.

  “Yeah, fuck you guys! You mess with one of us, you mess with all of – sorry, hold on just a second – ” he called as he blocked the ogre’s club.

  Richard glanced over at the trio of bounty hunters as he continued to pump Health into Russell. “Terribly sorry. We’ll continue our aggressive posturing and rejection of your demands in just one moment. Thank you for your patience.”

  “Guys, can you handle the ogre? I’m gonna help Ian!” Jen yelled.

  “I got ‘im!” Russell said. “Go help the others, Greenie!”

  “You sure, man?” Slothfart asked.

  “Yeah – I got him as long as Richard keeps healin’ me!”

  “Thanks!”

  Jen and I broke off our attack spells on the ogre and turned to face the bounty hunters.

  Slothfart came running over, too – but he wasn’t quite ready yet.

  As soon as he reached us he leaned over, huffing and puffing, and held one finger up in the air.

  “Hold on… hhh… just a second… hhh… go
tta catch my breath… hhh… oh, man, I gotta do more cardio…”

  The Monk, Shaman, and Air Mage just stared at us in confusion.

  Finally Slothfart stood up straight and pointed right at them. “FUCK you guys! You fuck with one of us, you fuck with all of – ”

  “Cirra?” the Monk asked in a bored voice.

  The Air Mage lifted her hands, and a blast of wind knocked Slothfart backwards and sent him skidding over towards the ogre.

  Who SLAMMED! its spiked club down on Slothfart with a sickening crunch.

  “Not cool, man!” the orc yelled pitifully from the ground.

  Jen cast an ice wall in front of the bounty hunters.

  One second later, Zoran reduced it to icy rubble with one of his blue-fisted energy punches.

  “Fugly, Soraiya, take the Mage!” I yelled –

  …and watched helplessly as blasts of wind sent them tumbling ass over teakettle through the air.

  “Unclean Spirits,” the Shaman called out, and a swarm of small, grey, moaning shapes erupted from his hands and pierced Jen’s body.

  She screamed and tumbled backwards, her spellcasting interrupted.

  I hit Zoran with Doomsday and was about to cast Soul Suck on him, but he just ignored me and walked over to Richard.

  “Oh – hello,” the troll Priest said, a split second before Zoran used his glowing fist to punch through Richard’s head.

  Richard suddenly winked out of existence.

  “Did that guy just one-shot Richard?!” Slothfart yelped from where he lay on the ground.

  It was a pretty shocking sight. But Zoran was a Level 50 Monk. Nothing else in the dungeon so far had been above Level 27. With the minor dribs and drabs of damage that Richard had sustained without healing himself, all it took was one horrendous punch to wipe him out.

  Of course, without Richard healing Russell – who was already perilously low on Health – the ogre quickly killed our goblin tank, too.

  Shit!

  “Binding of Spirits,” the Shaman called out, and ghostly hands reached up from the ground and seized Slothfart’s wrists and ankles.

  “HEY! What the fuck is this?! I didn’t like Poltergeist, either!” Slothfart yelled, right before the ogre SLAMMED his club down on the orc again.

  Slothfart disappeared.

  “This is not going well,” I muttered as I blasted Zoran with Soul Suck.

  “Ya think?!” Jen yelled as she hit the Air Mage with a ray of frost, and immediately got sliced with air daggers in return.

  Zoran turned to Jen, and his fist began to glow again. “You were warned.”

  All of a sudden, from behind the bounty hunters came a collective scream of rage.

  Everyone turned to see Russell, Slothfart, and Richard running towards us.

  Russell leapt into the air and threw his war hammer right in the Air Mage’s face, toppling her to the ground.

  “Awww – are ya gobsmacked, luv?” the goblin taunted her as the hammer flew back into his hand.

  “Motherfucker!” Slothfart yelled as he slashed the Shaman across the chest. “That’s for goin’ all The Conjuring on my ass!”

  It only took a second for Zoran to realize what had happened.

  “The Warlock has set up a grave nearby where they’re all resurrecting!” the Monk yelled. “Cirra, find it and destroy it!”

  The Air Mage didn’t even bother getting up – she just skimmed across the floor on a current of air and shot over the ground towards the tombstone.

  “STOP HER!” I yelled. “If she blows up the grave marker, you’re all going to resurrect at the start – ah, shit – ”

  I knew there was no way for any of us to reach the gravestone before the Air Mage.

  Not without dying.

  So I turned and ran smack dab into the ogre.

  “RRRAR!” the 20-foot-tall monster roared as it slammed its spiked club down on me.

  CHRIST that hurts –

  - Are you sure you want to DO this?! Alaria asked in a panic.

  “It’s the only way! Soraiya and Fugly, meet me at the tombstone!” I yelled.

  Two more blows from the club and everything went black.

  The second I opened my eyes I was back at the tombstone.

  And here came Cirra.

  Her eyes grew wide with surprise, and then a look of determination spread over her face.

  I hit her with Doomsday, then followed up with Soul Suck.

  She completely ignored me and concentrated on the grave marker. First a miniature tornado tore at its surface, pulling bits of stone out of it. Then she began to slash it with air daggers, cutting deep grooves in its surface.

  I needed reinforcements, so I called down the imps on her.

  Four bursts of smoke erupted all around her and began to pelt her with fireballs.

  She ignored them – until an even larger one slammed into her back.

  “AAAH!” she screamed in pain, and looked around in a fury.

  Here came Soraiya, flapping her wings as fast as she could.

  Beside her flew a shit-brown blur. There was a hhwwwk-ing sound, and a gob of green goop smacked Cirra right in the forehead.

  “AAAAAH!” she screamed again as her skin sizzled and smoked.

  “Good job, Fugly!” I yelled.

  “yah,” the gargoyle agreed as he headed straight for Cirra’s face.

  That was when my Doomsday spell finally hit, chopping off 8% of her hit points at once.

  Along with all the other attacks, it brought the Air Mage’s total Health down to 27%.

  The onslaught of imps, succubus, and gargoyle proved too much for Cirra. She shot through one of the stone windows back into the atrium and disappeared from view.

  I checked out the gravestone.

  Gravesite integrity: 31%.

  It was still holding.

  “Thank heaven for small favors,” I muttered.

  Suddenly there was a glow in the air, and Richard appeared in front of me.

  “Um… we may have a problem,” he said mildly.

  “What?”

  Russell, Slothfart, and Jen all materialized in front of me, too.

  “They’re bringing the fight to us,” Richard said.

  “Shit,” I hissed as I turned around.

  Zoran and Sketterex were running towards us around the corner. Behind them, Stig scampered to keep up, throwing the odd fireball at their backs.

  “Everybody, form up in front of the gravesite!” I yelled. “We can’t let them through!”

  We all formed a line – me, Soraiya, Jen, Slothfart, Russell, and Richard.

  In the air above us, Fugly hovered on his flapping wings – and a little golden blur whizzed around and whimpered, “Oh my goodness, oh my goodness!”

  The Shaman stopped short and began to wave his arms in the air.

  Zoran ran ahead of him and cocked his arm back behind him, his fist beginning to glow blue.

  “Here they come!” I yelled.

  We all steeled ourselves for the onslaught –

  But we’d forgotten the third member of the party.

  “Cirra, clear my way!” Zoran yelled.

  A Category 5 hurricane slammed into us from the side, toppling us all into a pile to the right of the tombstone.

  I looked over in horror to see Cirra emerge from the nearest stone window, a look of angry satisfaction on her acid-scarred face.

  Even worse, I saw Zoran launch himself directly at the gravesite.

  “NO!” I screamed.

  It made no difference.

  The Monk’s glowing fist SLAMMED into the tombstone and blasted it into gravel.

  A window popped up:

  Gravesite destroyed.

  Cooldown remaining to create next Gravesite: 2:36

  DAMN IT!

  “Guys, just hang on!” I yelled as I stumbled to my feet. “We only have to wait a couple more minutes and then I can create another!”

  “Serpent’s Spirit!” the Shaman yelled, and a s
pectral green snake flew through the air and tightened around Richard’s body.

  “This is not good,” Richard announced as green electricity sparked across his body, draining his hit points.

  Just then Zoran turned on him with his glowing fist.

  POW! Another shot right to the head.

  Richard disappeared in a flash of light.

  Without a healer, we weren’t going to last long.

  “EVERYBODY – KILL ZORAN!” I yelled.

  “Cirra, prevent the healer from returning!” Zoran yelled, then turned to face our group. “Sketterex, kill the goblin first!”

  All my demons and fellow dungeon-divers attacked the Monk, but he and Sketterex centered all their efforts on Russell. The little tank fought as hard as he could, but after about 20 seconds of roundhouse kicks and ghostly barrages, he disappeared in a flash of light.

  He could come back, though. It might take him 30 seconds or more to get down here, but he could still help us turn the tide.

  Except Richard hadn’t returned yet.

  Where the hell WAS he?

  I remembered Zoran’s order to Cirra: Prevent the healer from returning!

  How the hell is she going to do THAT?

  Then I looked past Zoran and saw for myself.

  The Air Mage was at the far end of the corridor, where the ‘Chutes and Ladders’ door opened up – the place Richard and Russell should have emerged after sliding down from the first floor.

  But Cirra was directing a tornado-strength blast of air through the door and up the chimney. I could hear the wind howling through the stone portal like the souls of the damned.

  Even if Richard and Russell could step inside the chute – which was doubtful, with that much wind blowing at them – there was no way they’d get anywhere close to the bottom. The miniature storm would just blow them back up.

  I tried to hit Cirra with Terrify, but she was out of range.

  Shit – what do I do?!

  I took a gamble and dashed towards her. If I could just get close enough and use Terrify on her, she would go running for the hills, which meant we would get Russell and Richard back.

  It would have worked, in theory, if not for the Shaman.

  “Binding of Spirits!” the dead guy cackled, and I felt hands grab my feet.

  I slammed down face-first onto the stone floor, still out of range.